So, my car is a piece of crap. It runs poorly, it’s dirty, it has a big ass dent in the side, the tires are bald and there’s a huge hole in the muffler that makes my car sound like a NASCAR racer. Only my car does 0-60 in about a minute and a half.One other thing that is wrong with my car is the antenna. It is bent. I bent it somehow at some point in the last few years and it just keeps getting more and more bent. Over the last few months I have slammed my trunk on it, resulting in a horizontal antenna, rather than vertical. But I still had pretty good reception.
Yesterday, I went to the bank to deposit a check and the antenna looked like it was about to fall off. It was sticking way out to the side and moving it only made the metal fracture even more. I was suddenly flashing to the antenna flying off my car at 75 mph, crashing through some poor, unsuspecting soul’s windshield and impaling itself into their shoulder.
I decided then and there that the antenna had to come off.
But I forgot to remove it when I came out of the bank.
That night, I left work and there it was. The antenna. Jutting out at a right angle and then a wave of power came over me and I began to wrestle with it. Bending it this way and that. Left. Right. Up. Down.
Finally, the metal snapped.
But I did not hold the antenna in my hand separate from the car as I envisioned.
Did you know that there is actually wiring that runs up the antenna?
Yeah. Well, I didn’t.
The resulting 5 minutes where a frantic pulling and pushing and wiggling of the antenna trying to get the metal sheath off, but to no avail.
Finally, realizing I was never going to get that blasted metal of the wire and knowing I couldn’t just let it hang off the side of my car, I did the only thing I could think of at the time.
I slammed my trunk down on it hard.
And there it lays still. Wire snaking into the trunk off my car with a metal sheath lying on the dirty carpeting covering the interior of my trunk.
And, no, I don’t know if I still get good reception. I haven’t turned the radio on for fear of blowing up my car.
Editor’s Note: The antenna finally came all the way off, and I still get pretty good reception, except when I’m in Louisville.