Gum in My Hair

An embarrassingly honest blog

Toilet Gnomes February 7, 2009

Filed under: No Common Sense — dulcedementia @ 12:34 am

So, this may come as a shock to everyone who knows me, but I have extreme stage fright when it comes to making #2 at work.


I know. Shocking.


My solution has been to go one floor down to the 4th floor where I’m less likely to run in to people that may have to smell my, um, leavings. So, I go to the women’s bathroom on the 4th floor, last stall.


Lately whenever I would open the door, I would hear a “THUMP,” but no one would be in there. Sometimes it creeped me out, sometimes I just ignored it.


Until now.


I realized a couple days ago that the sound was an unsecured plumbing access hatch in the last stall. The change in room pressure causes it to flap a little. But now I have a problem.


See, I know this access panel cannot be secured. I have looked in and there is obviously no room for a person to get into that area and be all pervy, but I still can’t relax. I keep thinking that there might be gnomes or something watching (or listening) to me going to the bathroom. And even if such characters are fictional, it still gives me stage fright to the point where I am having a hard time going to the bathroom in there. I’ve had some pretty bad tummy aches the last few days.


I now have two options:


Realize that there are no such things as toilet gnomes and get on with my business or go down one more floor to the 3rd floor bathrooms.


When you think about it, taking an extra flight of stairs is probably good for my health too.


2 Responses to “Toilet Gnomes”

  1. V Says:

    isn’t there a bathroom on the 4th floor that is just a single toilet in a room for handicapped people?

    it must suck to feel like that… fortunately I am the world’s fastest pooper and nobody even knows that I just dropped a deuce! hahahahahahahaha

  2. saradowney Says:

    Ha ha. I inherited the “I’ll Shit Anywhere” gene from my dad. I have develop the habit of stealing toilet paper from public restrooms now. Sort of my way of evening the score from New Years Eve. Never again.

    Also, consider the courtesy flush. Then you don’t have to worry about people smelling your “leavings.”

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