Gum in My Hair

An embarrassingly honest blog

Soapbox February 25, 2009

Filed under: Shut Your Mouth! — dulcedementia @ 8:28 pm

A few months ago, I was living the dream. I had this amazing health insurance plan that covered all of my medication and had a decent deductible on lab fees and what not. And only a $30 copay to see the doctor. Then shit changed.


To save money and continue providing health insurance to all of the company’s employees, my employer switched over to United Healthcare.


I know their reasons for doing this were good, but I am so pissed at United Healthcare, I’d like to punch it in the dick. Yes. United Healthcare has a dick. Probably more than one. Maybe it’s like some mythical creature from hell and when you punch one dick down, another one springs up in its place. And eventually the puncher goes mad frantically trying to punch dicks only to have a new one appear in its place. How very Grecian.


Anyway, United Healthcare has the worst prescription coverage in the world.


Ok, probably not in the world because the worst coverage would be no coverage, but it certainly sucks.


This company only covers 4 four migraine medicines (yes, in the world of migraines, there are so many options for medication, it would make your head spin, give you a trigger headache and then you’d have to take one of the medications), none of which work for me. Two are not strong enough and my migraines come back about 6 hours after I take the medication. The other two have something horrible in them that completely zonks me out. Think Chief in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (seriously, I just stand around slowly pushing a broom for half the day). This would be fine if I was at home, but I take the medicine so I can function at work.


So, since UHC only covers four migraine meds, I have two choices: pay $250 for 9 Treximet pills or just not have a prescription filled. I chose the latter. The result has been a month with more migraines than I care to count and headaches daily. I’ve started getting acupuncture once a week to try and see if I can prevent the headaches altogether rather than just taking medicine when I feel a migraine coming on. Plus, I’m just about ready to cave and tell them to just give me a prescription to Maxalt and then only take it in dire emergency.


But that kind of leads me to my point. I shouldn’t HAVE to take medicine that doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to. I shouldn’t HAVE to be suffering though these migraines because some douche nozzle up on high at UHC decided that only 4 meds would be covered, rather than the whole lot of them.


It makes me really angry at both the healthcare business and the pharmaceutical business.


First off, how do so many other countries have amazing, government subsidized healthcare, and we get stuck with this shit? We get stuck with corporate dickwads saying how and when we will get medical care and medication. We get stuck trying to pay a $2,000 bill for a visit to urgent care after the insurance company refuses to pay a cent. And we’re paying THEM on top of paying the medical bill? In what fucking galaxy does that make sense?


In the Galaxy of WTF. That’s where it makes sense. You know what else they do in the galaxy of WTF? They have buses for home schooled children and you have to pay to get a discount card at your favorite retailer. Yeah. WTF Galaxy sucks stinky balls.


Also, I am mad at the pharmaceutical companies. Yes. I understand you put a lot of time and effort into developing your beautiful, beautiful (anyone else imagining the scene from Mr. Holland’s Opus right here? “Beautiful, beautiful boy.”) pills that make my head not hurt. Yes. I’m sure that distilling/separating/isolating the chemicals are hard work, but why on earth are 9 pills $250?? That’s… (hold on, I’m punching it in to a calculator) almost $28 a pill! Seriously, do those awesome white uniforms and gloves cost that much? And was my last insurance company really paying you $200 every time I filled the prescription? Somehow, I doubt it. The fucking patent gives you a monopoly and suddenly we have a little medical cartel with 3 or 4 big companies charging way too damn much for way too damned little. Pharmaceutical companies, you guys are assholes. Really, really, really big assholes. Oh, and thanks for the coupon for $25 off my next $250 refill of Treximet. That will really take the burden off me a little. Stupid jerks.


So, after all that kicking and screaming, I guess I’m just going to have to settle for what the douche bags decide I should get. But I tell you, I am hoping and waiting and praying and meditating and wishing on stars that we get nationalized healthcare at some point in my lifetime.


Then I’ll run up to United Healthcare and punch it in the dick.


4 Responses to “Soapbox”

  1. Jason Says:

    I thought we all agreed that the homeschool bus made sense.

  2. dulcedementia Says:

    It makes no sense. No sense whatsoever.

  3. Alison Says:

    Tell you what. Kaiser. Seriously. Cheapest prescriptions in the world. Thank goodness. And it’s GOT to be cheaper than UHC for the company. United pretty much the most expensive plan out there. Or at least it used to be. Kaiser’s practically socialized medecine. It’s like when I was a kid and we went to military doctors. Not a bad thing.

  4. Chrstina Ostberg Thompson Says:

    James and I just got rid of stupid UHC after 5 years. He changed jobs and the thing I was the most excited about was having “real” health insurance!!!

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