Last night, our company went to dinner at a nice steak house and I did three things that prove I should not be allowed to mingle with live people.
The dessert was pudding. Not mousse, like I kept calling it. I’d just never had pudding that tasted that good. I assumed it had to be something fancy, like mousse. Fucking pudding.
We were doing the mandatory food in teeth check and I looked over at my coworker and friend of TWO years and told her she had a little schmutz on her cheek. After 30 seconds of her freaking out about food on her face, we figured out it was, in fact, a large freckle she has had for the entire two years I’ve known her.
Yes, the whole dreadlocks thing came up again, but I didn’t want to explain it to the whole table, so I just yelled “Dirty hippies!” down the length of the table. In talking with my new employee later on, I discovered that he was raised by hippies and likes to consider himself one too. Seriously? Everything that comes out of my mouth when talking to this new fellow is absolutely idiotic or offensive.
So there you go. Three very compelling reasons why I should not be allowed to go out in public or at least speak with live people.