Gum in My Hair

An embarrassingly honest blog

Eat It! Or not. March 4, 2009

Filed under: Shut Your Mouth! — dulcedementia @ 12:27 am

I just finished eating lunch. Chicken Salad. A Chicken salad I made. A salad I made and I chose to put celery in it. I can’t stand celery and I just ate around the bits of celery in the salad. Which makes me wish I had made the celery bits a little larger actually, because some of those suckers were hard to get around.


I think I may have written about the foods I hate and why, but, well, tough shit, you get to read it again.


I’m pretty open to trying new foods and I like to think I am pretty open when it comes to foods; there are just some things that I cannot eat. Yes. A lot of them are vegetables. But most of my hated foods and why I hate them pertain to texture. Observe:


Bananas: God, this fruit needs to not be so slimy. If I’m sick and have to be on a bland diet, I will buy the greenest GD bananas the grocery store has to offer, if I even buy them at all. The banana flavor is the awesomest, but man, the fruit itself is so gross. It’s like a banana flavored long shaped fruit mated with a freaking slug.


Celery: Since I mentioned it above, I should explain why I don’t like it. Celery is like crunchy water. Why would I want to crunch water when I can simply drink it? Plus, it’s got all those strings that make it impossible to actually crunch off a piece cleanly. There are always some stupid strings at the end of it hanging out.


Prepackaged Turkey or Ham: Not fresh deli ham and turkey, mind you, I love that stuff. But the prepackaged stuff always has this nasty ass film on it. Sort of gelatinous feeling. If prepackaged ham or turkey were reanimated, you would have a hard time catching and keeping a hold of said ham or turkey because of how slippery it is. Also, it has a weird smell. Like old meat jello. That’s what it is though, I guess, old, slimy meat jello.


Most Squashes: Unless they are cooked just right, squash are slimy and stringy and an overall mess of a vegetable. One of the only acceptable forms of eating squash is in sweet bread like zucchini bread or pumpkin bread. Other than that, that group of vegetables can stay away from my mouth.


Grilled Chicken: You know what, you’ve got the grill out, what don’t you just put some fucking beef on it! Chicken tastes the same no matter how you cook it, but beef is always better on the grill. I just don’t like grilled (not BBQ-ed, that’s different) chicken reminding me that I could be having beef, but some douche tard decided to put some fucking heart healthy bull shit over the flames. Ahem. Sorry. I feel very strongly about that.


Well, now I’m all worked up about grilled chicken. My palms are sweaty and I’m shaking.


I just want to punch a George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine in the nads.


2 Responses to “Eat It! Or not.”

  1. V Says:

    If it weren’t for George Foreman and his grill I would never cook for myself so watch yourself there missy!

    You are ridiculous… I can’t believe you went veggie for a period of time too with your hate for some vegetables and fruits haha! Add some peanut butter to your celery next time!

  2. Supe Says:

    Yeah, celery is disgusting. Even the smell of it is nauseating.

    And I think you must be buying your pre-packaged deli meat on Manager’s Special. If it’s fresh and not in the process of spoiling, there’s no jelly (and, yes, I know exactly what you’re talking about – turned me off of deli turkey for about 8 years).

    Thanks for the laughs. We grilled burgers and brats yesterday and it was wonderful. You’re absolutely right. 🙂

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