Gum in My Hair

An embarrassingly honest blog

Turden Warriors March 26, 2009

Filed under: Shut Your Mouth! — dulcedementia @ 4:18 pm

Sport and I are gonna make fucking millions on this idea. 


Sport: did you make it to work?
Sent at 8:58 AM on Thursday
me: make what work?
Sent at 9:14 AM on Thursday
Sport: did you make it to work in the inclement weather?
me: whew
yeah all those tiny snow flakes
coming down sparsely
it was rough
Sport: haha
I hate yuo
me: hahaha
no you don’t
Sport: true dat
I’m tired
and I just want a sausage mcmuffin
me: WTF?!?!
Sport: I know
me: do you KNOW what that will do to your bowel?
Sport: yes
I had flatbread last night
and gave birth to a whole colony of turds this morning
me: well, at least you brought them into this world all at once
Sport: true
they can fight the sewer alligator together
Sent at 9:22 AM on Thursday
me: those alligators are ROUGH
Sport: for real
they carry switchblades
like my boyfriend
me: it would take a couple really mean terds to get them to submit
Sport: hahaha
me: hahaha
Sent at 9:27 AM on Thursday
Sport: I am picturing a street rumble between a switchblade wielding alligator on two legs and a saucy group of turds swinging chains
me: bwahahah
can one of the turds have a mohawk?
and another one has a dangling cross earring in one ear ala Lost Boys?
these are some bad ass turds
god I hope I can squeeze in some time for a little photoshop sesh this afternoon
squeeze hahaa
Sent at 9:31 AM on Thursday
Sport: haha
I just birthed their brethren
fight on!
and from the feel of it, I’m pretty sure one was wearing one of those collars with spikes on it
Sent at 9:34 AM on Thursday
me: hurts coming out, but damned if they don’t rule the sewer with their tough, but fair form of street turd justice.
i smell a merchandising opportunity
Sport: oh hell yeah
me: and I’m just blue sky solutioneering here
Sport: and a blog!
me: that’s right!
i think there’s a new LONG episode up today
Sport: I’m seeing a line of action fiure toys
Sent at 9:37 AM on Thursday
Sport: figure
wake up, Sport!
sheesh and to think I’ve already been editing this morning
me: seriously, i’m am rushing through my work so I can photoshop some of these action figures
Sport: for the dolls
I’m think the name for the Alligator should be Lorenzo
And his backstory should totally be that he’s an illegal
me: so far, the characters I’m imagining are “Chunks” “Fibercon and “Wormy”
Sport: One MUST be named “Flatbread”
me: and twins called “Meta” and “Mucil”
Sport: yes
I’m laughing so hard
it’s sooo obvious I’m not working
me: hahaha
Sport: and maybe a “butch”
me: their leader can be known only as “The Dry Docker”
Sport: and I know that last one was named “Spike”
me: awesome
Sport: my shit is hysterical!
me: is totally is!
Sport: God Bless you Celiac Disease
thank you for cutting my life short by at least 15 years and increasing my risk of cancer
me: without it, you would only have half the funny stories in your repertoire
Sport: good on ya
Sent at 9:43 AM on Thursday
me: we’re gonna get so rich of these action figures
Sport: word. goodbye days of poverty
take a long look now, cause this mug is going to be on Forbes next year holding a bunch of plastic turds with weapons!
me: and an illegal immigrant alligator
Sport: yes!
maybe we should name it something else
I’m thinking something more mafia-esque
or we could tie in to the current plight of the Juarez drug cartel
and the alligator is actually a reformed villain
layers, bitches, layers
me: oooooo
this is like a fuckin onion right now
I am just peeling away the layers
Sport: breathe it in
let the tears come
I’m picturing a very Jack Bauer type alligator
me: so
Sport: after his encounter with the turd street gang, they join forces
like Splinter and the Ninja Turtles
me: are the turds or the alligator the bad guys?
Sport: well in episode 1
the Alligator is bad
or just misunderstood
me: ok, but then he sees the error of his ways
Sport: later they should team up to fucking take down Gluten
which is a whole new dynamic
me: and joins forces with the Turden Warriors
Sport: because Gluten is responsible for the very existence of my turds
me: hahaha
this is going to be a franchise bigger than Spideman!
and you know how I feel about Spiderman
me: yes i do
they could be like Mighty Men. Millions of turds, each one unique and with a sigature fighting move
Sport: um, YES
I want Butch’s signature move to be the Jersey Cunt Punch
me: YES!
Meta and Mucil join forces to perform the signature “Rat-a-tat-tat” move
Sport: Can Meta have a bow in her turd hair?
Sent at 9:54 AM on Thursday
me: YES!
why wouldn’t she?
Sport: sweet
glad we’re on the same page with that
me: oh yeah, it couldn’t be any other way
fuck derby. this is my new hobby.
Sport: seriously
me: k


One Response to “Turden Warriors”

  1. Alison Says:

    Thank you 🙂

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