Gum in My Hair

An embarrassingly honest blog

Did You Know That So Called Volunteers Don’t Even Get Paid!? January 14, 2010

Filed under: Ooooh, Shiny, Pretty — dulcedementia @ 8:43 pm

So, as my blog waaaaaaaaay back in May described, I was pulled over for a DUI in, well, um, May. It took a long time for the wheels of justice to turn, but the verdict finally came back in September. Yeah, I know that was a while ago, so here are things of note. My BAC came back 0.081 (FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU), but when my lawyer had the second vial of blood tested, it came back 0.078 (WOOOOOOOO). Combined, it amounted to an official DWAI, but awesome lawyer bargained it down to Reckless Driving. So, no points on my license, in fact, I kept my license.


The rest of the associated punishment was treated like a DUI. I had 24 hours of Alcohol Education, 24 hours of community service, fines and, of course, probation for a year. Well, I’m glad to report that, as of tomorrow, my fines will be all paid off. As of Saturday, my community service will be done and I am halfway through my alcohol education classes. Things aren’t so bad. Except that $5,000 I’ll never see again. If you do the math, my drinks costs around $1,000 per drink. Folks, don’t drink and drive. Please. Save yourself the pain. OK, let me just…step…off this…soapbox. And, ok, on with the show.


So, as I stated, community service was part of the deal and I was fortunate enough to do my “time” with Denver Public Libraries (or, libaries, as I call them). I was assigned to the Ford-Warren Branch on the corner of 28th & High St, deep in the heart of a neighborhood where I look EXTRA white.


I tried to have a positive attitude about everything I was required to do for my sentence, but it was exceptionally easy with this library. The staff is incredibly friendly and open, the library is impeccably neat and there are numerous computers for the community to use. This library is a total asset to the community it serves and it has made my Saturdays a more Zen day for the last two months.


Most Saturdays I showed up at 9, and worked on the DVD section for two hours. Shelving DVDs, making sure they were properly labeled and removing superfluous labels with a little plastic scraper. I have never found such peace in repetition and it was so unbelievably relaxing to come in and do this every week. I would put my iPod on, grab the dolly filled with DVDs and get to work.


Sure, every once in a while there was the creepy five year old Latino child that would follow me around and stare at me and my hair. Trying to look inconspicuous as they looked at the DVDs on my cart as I sorted them. Sure, I wanted to yell at them to get the hell out of the DVDs before they messed up the alphabetization that I just worked so hard on. But I didn’t yell, and I found a happy place.


Some days I found myself with fun tasks such as searching for books all over the library that may or may not be on the shelves (it was like a literary scavenger hunt!) or covering up all the barcodes on the books in the extensive graphic novels section. On one special occasion, I was tasked with readying the craft for the next week. I tore up bags of tissue paper in shades of green, black and red to make magnetic Kwanza candles. It. Was. Heaven.


Last Saturday I was joking with the head librarian, saying if she ever wanted me to prep a craft hour, I would totally do it. She paused for a second and said, “Actually, there is something I’ve been considering.”


She walked over to the children’s section and pulled out a children’s book filled with animals made entirely from overlapped hearts.


“I’ve been wanting to make a display for the front case from the heart animals in this book, so if you want to see if you can make some of these animals, then be my guest.”


Ladies and Gentlemen, I am the luckiest convict in the world. I spent three hours last Saturday cutting out hearts and making the most adorable fucking animals out of hearts. That’s how I paid my debt to society: with construction paper, Elmer’s glue, scissors and hole punches for the eyes.


Behold, my gift to you, society:


Behold, the awesomeness of my scissor skillz!



I also cut up a shitton of hearts in every size so that the kids could make their own heart animals.


Best. Community Service. EVAR.


In fact, I love it so much, that I talked to the head librarian last week about becoming a permanent volunteer. So, I will take a week or so off to enjoy the fact that I have completed community service, but after that, I will try and show up at this library on a bi-weekly basis to give them whatever help they need. The Zen in gives me in return is well worth it.


Oh, and I totally made one of those bees for the boyfriend.


I’m such a retahd.

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3 Responses to “Did You Know That So Called Volunteers Don’t Even Get Paid!?”

  1. Enya Says:

    I ❤ you 🙂

  2. nobleone247 Says:

    That is WAY better then the crap work they had me doing sorting dirty clothes at ARC back in my bad girl days (fake ID).

  3. […] monitored sobriety, and I didn’t have to take counseling. I just had to pay court fees, do some community service (which turned out to be pretty fun), take alcohol education classes and finish up a year of […]


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