Gum in My Hair

An embarrassingly honest blog

Word Turds February 10, 2010

Filed under: Shut Your Mouth! — dulcedementia @ 4:42 pm

I always like writing down exactly what crosses my mind every once in a while, so I thought I would do that today. Because, well, fuck it. I can.


Rapeseed Oil!?!?!?!?!?!!? Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot?


Ahhhhh yeah. Acoustic guitar. I love the whistle that it makes when fingers rub across the strings. I probably like that sound more than the music. It’s like sonic lithium.


Man, that was a long meeting. But I think now I’ll finally get to fry whatever I want. That will be awesome. Need to think of things I want to fry. Pickles. Mac and Cheese. Oreo!


Hehe. So, if you use too much rapeseed oil, do you get nut butter?


Hungry. I should eat.


Hmmm. The Blow. I don’t know if I like this gal’s voice or not. Am I annoyed or overjoyed?


Does this 5 Hour Energy shot sitting on my desk make me look like a total douchebag?


This winter storm better not fuck up my trip to Chicago. I will punch it in the dick if it delays my flight.


King Sooper’s Valentines Day ads crack me up. Nothing says, “OH SHIT FUCK SHIT IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY?!?!?! SHIT FUCK SHIT!” like a bouquet of roses from King Soopers.


Dear Uterus. I really wish I didn’t have you. I mean, I’m glad I’m a woman, but this useless bleeding and sloughing. Not cool. I mean, that’s not what going on right now. It’s just the lead up to it. Really? Cramps, back aches and bitchiness a full month before it starts? Really? I don’t even fucking want kids! There is literally no point in me going through the menstrual cycle when I have no intention of utilizing the fertile part of the month. Isn’t there a place where I can, you know, opt out of the whole menses thing?


Where the fuck is my ibuprofen?


Holy crap. I just swallowed for Advil with only a tiny sip of soda. I may be taking too many pills.


Mazzy. Fuckin. Star.


I think Grant recorded an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba with the Ting Tings. Why they hell are we recording Nick Junior shows? Those shows make me angry when I watch them. STOP TELLING ME HOW TO WATER FLOWERS! I get it! You don’t need to tell me 15 times. You! Weird host in orange lycra and an orange royal guard hat? How do you live with yourself for being the “host” for this show? Oh. You probably make bank. I wish I made bank.


I love Lily Allen.


I hate this underwear. Briefs my ass. Which is exactly what this pair isn’t covering.


I love that The Cure is mixed in with all my trendy alt rock music on this Pandora station. *swoons*


And just like that, we’re back to rockers with bangs that sweep over one of their eyes.


And with that, we will conclude my day. Thanks for visiting my brain today. Sorry if it was a little scary. Go watch a romantic comedy. You’ll feel better instantly and be left unrealistic expectations about your next relationship.


Fuck I hate romantic comedies.

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One Response to “Word Turds”

  1. Grant Says:

    You’re goddamn right I recorded an episode of Yo Double Gabba. That show is my generation’s H.R. Pufnstuf, only with better music.


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