I love nerds. Nerds are the awesomest thing ever created. It’s actually the ONLY criteria I have for dating someone. Are they a nerd? Yes? Then they may just get into my pants. Well. Not now anyways, since I am currently with nerd. But that’s beside the point. Point is, I think nerds are the bee’s knees. I’ve never really disliked a nerd. Until last night.
Last night, while doing some kind of mindless work afterhours at the office, I decided to watch a movie streaming on Netflix. I decided on “The King of Kong.” It was in my queue anyway, so I figured I would give it a try.
The movie started up and I realized I was going deep down the rabbit hole that is nerdom, into the recesses of nerdiness. I mean, an Arcade game referee!?!?! Wow.
By about 15 minutes in, I wanted to punch Billy Mitchell, the World Record holder for Donkey Kong highest score. Not only does he look like he should be playing acoustic guitar for an easy listening Christian rock band from the 80s, he also has the most inflated ego I have ever seen. For playing fucking Donkey Kong! I can’t even get past the first level of Super Mario Brothers, so I’m not saying it because I think I could beat him. Also, I like to watch video games being played, so I’m not saying video games are stupid.
What is stupid is when your entire notoriety and self worth rests on holding the fucking World Record for Donkey Kong.
Anyone else who was here late last night might have heard me utter random a “oh please” or “WHAT?!” over the course of the evening. Man, I wanted to punch him.
Actually, that should be present tense. I want to punch the hell out of that guy still. Especially after seeing the records-keeping site that claims to be fair and balanced foil a challenger over and over again in the most blatantly nepotistic way when he went after the Donkey Kong record and beat Twin Galaxies’ (that’s the records site) golden boy.
Tell me how fair it is that, as a referee for Twin Galaxies, Billy Mitchell was allow to view the video for the game that should have ousted him as the record holder, but when the challenger wants to watch a little of some footage of Billy playing a game, he is prevented from watching it, with refs saying it will give him an “unfair advantage.”
I’m sure this movie is good. But I was so disgusted by this group of nerd elitists that I actually turned the movie off after 45 minutes. I went home angry, I went to bed frustrated and I’m still butt hurt about it today.
I’ll never finish this movie because I could not take another second of the utter hypocrisy in this clique of arcade nerds.
I certainly hope that, after seeing this movie, some of those jackasses took a long hard look at the way they do things.
I also hope that Steve Wiebe beat the shit out of Billy “Every day is Billy is Awesome day” Mitchell.
I know I still want to.