Actually, it was 8:30 to 5:30, but I digress.
Two weeks ago I was fired from my job. Now before you offer condolences, you should know it is a very positive thing.
It began in February, when the project I had been working on for nearly a year was completely shut down and I was given work that was basically glorified data entry. I went from producing 10-15 articles a week, categorizing several sections of the website, doing keyword and SEO research on these section and applying critical thinking and logic on a daily basis to loading SKU into the system.
Needless to say, I fucking hated it. Now, I understand the importance of loading products to the site and I had loaded a couple brands in the past year to “beef up” my areas of the site, but it was never my entire duty from day to day to mind numbing, boring fucking day.
Please pardon me if I sound a little entitled, but I earned the writing position I had in the company because I paid my dues. I loaded tons and tons of products to the site the first couple years we were in business, and because of that, I was rewarded with the ability to pursue more challenging work, which included writing and working with the marketing department to optimize areas of the site.
So, when I was demoted, and yes, it was a demotion since I was denied a raise due to my current position not requiring the same skill level as the one I had when the year started, my motivation to do any kind of job that was above average completely slipped away. Soon after that, even average was too much for me to do.
There were days when I would turn on my computer, open up my work and actually dry heave because the thought of doing it was so awful.
I had other, larger concerns about the way the company was being run as well, but I will not go into those here.
I was miserable, but I couldn’t afford to quit.
I spent several days talking candidly with my direct boss, who is really the bright spot in this whole mess. I see in her a lot of the excitement and energy that I had for this company when I first started working there and I hope to God she can keep it for longer than I did. After talking, we pretty much came to the resolution if you can’t afford to quit, then we can fire you, but take a day to think about it.
So I did. I thought a lot. I thought so much I only got 2 hours of sleep that night. In the end, I decided that spending 80% of my weeks absolutely miserable was no way to live my life. It was starting to seep though to the other aspect of my life and I found myself becoming angrier more quickly. Rather than be unhappy, but have a stable job, I decided to take a leap of faith and go for vice versa. Try to regain happiness and fulfillment, but not have the stability I did have.
The company was kind enough to fire me with a severance package, so I am happy to have a little extra time to buckle down.
People have been asking me what my plan is right now and to be honest, I don’t know exactly. What I do know is I will not begin looking for work for at least a few more weeks. I want to keep writing here and relearn to love writing. I want to make the other site I run, Denver Derby News, better that it is now. I want to reevaluate what I want to do for a living. Am I willing to sacrifice pay for happiness? You bet your sweet ass I am ready and willing to do such a thing.
In the end, the one thing I regret is the friends that I made at work that I will no longer get to spend as much time with, but I am trying to find time outside office hours to keep those friendships going.
And I’m sure when they do hang out with me, they’ll find I’m a lot less grouchy these days.