So, there’s this awesome blogger in Denver known as Redhead Writing. If you didn’t know, now you know. Anyway, earlier this week she doled out her weekly bitch slap to a chauvinistic columnist for the Glendale Chronicle, Greg Hollenbeck. He wrote an article about how to date women that was supremely arrogant and sexist and she called him out. Next, she got a response to her blog from one of his esteemed coworkers that was even MORE reprehensible. It was filled with vitriol, racism and sexism the likes I have not seen printed in some time.
So, before you read this blog, I would recommend heading over and catching up on Redhead’s Bitch Slap and then the following blog on the response to her bitch slap. I finished reading the second one and was so upset I almost threw up.
Since I read these blogs, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about these kind of men and, more importantly, the women who date them. Because these guys actually get laid. More than we ever care to admit, and it’s by women who actually fall for the advice these guys give. They allow themselves to be treated like shit and, in the process, perpetuate the stereotype of the crazy, codependent woman.
So, those were my first thoughts, and I think most of them are still very valid; however, I wonder if there isn’t a teensy part in all of us strong, independent women that wants to be, well, dominated. Because know that exists in my little secret drawer of things I like about men.
Don’t misunderstand me here. I’m not saying I want to be ignored, talked to like I’m a moron or treated like I’m some afterthought. That bullshit doesn’t fly in my house. But what I am saying is that, from time to time, I like it when a man takes charge from time to time. In fact, there’s nothing hotter than a man who you know respects you, telling you what he wants and how he wants it. If a guy I’m dating can throw me over his shoulder like a ragdoll, well… cue the Barry White music.
In my personal and public life, I spend a lot of time being dominant. I say what’s on my mind, I do what I feel is right and I WILL fight for something I want. I’m intelligent, witty and a lot of the time I keep shit pretty well held together. But sometimes, well, sometimes I just want to let go of the control I have to have on everything and let someone else take over.
But there’s a big difference between a guy being manly and being a complete and utter douchebag. The line may be a little fine, but I think it all boils down to self-confidence. A confident man walks into a bar and acts like himself with no fear of hiding parts of his personality. Women tend to gravitate towards that. It screams stability and support, which I think most of us want at some point or another.
An unconfident man walks into a bar with a rulebook handed to him by some other man that observed how women behave around a confident man and wrote down his interpretation of the interaction based on his bias. In the end, chances of the insecure guy scoring are probably about 50/50 if he sticks to the rulebook and I really wish those odds weren’t so… even.
So, what I’m trying to say is, yes, I want a partner. Someone who treats me like an equal. But I’m not looking for a carbon copy. I’m looking for someone who complements the more feminine parts of my personality. And yes, sometimes this bitch likes to be submissive. I just don’t want anyone else to know about it.
The saying goes, men want “a lady in the street, but a freak in bed.”
Well, I want a self-possessed, respectful partner in the street and a caveman in bed.
I know. I’ll let you know when I check back into reality from my vacation in fairytale land.