I’m 31 years old. This should be a lesson I learned a long time ago, but it seems to have eluded me until now.
I’m a giving, unselfish person. I always have been. If a friend needs me, I’m there. If a significant other needs support, I give it freely. However, I have never put a limit on how much of myself I give and, if I look back on my relationship history, one of the constants is me giving up too much of myself to compromise for their needs.
In my horrible failure of a marriage, I attempted to have a child to “save” the shell of a relationship I had left. I figured, I don’t want kids, but he does. Maybe if I give him a child, things will be ok. Thankfully, I realized how awful the marriage was and got out before any of my eggs got fertilized. And that is just one horrifying example of the seriously deluded decisions I have made in my life thinking they were just small sacrifices, when, in the long run, they were life altering decisions.
But now, I finally realize what I’ve been doing to myself all these years. It hasn’t been compromise, it has been self-neglect. All too often, I make huge sacrifices in the name of love. And it has got to stop.
So, from here on out, I am going to start practicing selfishness. Not in the “Hey that’s my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy, you can’t play with it” way, but in the “I deserve to have this my way, because doing it any other way is not being true to who I am” way.
Here’s a list of some of the things I am going to refuse to compromise on from here on out:
- I will be kind to my body. I will not sacrifice time centering and strengthening myself for
anything other than a birth, death or natural disaster.
- I will not eat my emotions. I am not going to keep things bottled up any more for the sake of being “strong.” All that results in is me eating a pint of ice cream. I’m going to tell people how I feel.
- On the flip side, I will always enjoy food. I am not going to eat salads for the rest of my life simply because that makes me appear to be concerned with my figure. Frankly, I hate salads. But I promise I’ll get in all my servings of vegetables in a more enjoyable way.
- I will be less patient and have more gumption. I will not wait around for change to manifest, and I will have the metaphorical balls not to stick around when changes aren’t made.
- I will demand respect. I deserve to be respected and I won’t tolerate disrespect in private or public.
- I will not sacrifice time with my friends. This one has happened every single time, and I don’t want it to happen again. I know that sometimes less time is spent hanging out with friends and what not, but I refuse to fall of the friend radar completely.
- I will only drink whole or 2% milk. Skim milk sucks. I’m not going to drink it, even if your pansy ass does.
So there, if you don’t like what I said, go take a flying fuck. I won’t change these things about myself.