Gum in My Hair

An embarrassingly honest blog

Being Selfish: The Art of Being Uncompromising September 20, 2010

Filed under: Shut Your Mouth! — dulcedementia @ 3:21 pm
Tags: , ,

I’m 31 years old. This should be a lesson I learned a long time ago, but it seems to have eluded me until now.

I’m a giving, unselfish person. I always have been. If a friend needs me, I’m there. If a significant other needs support, I give it freely. However, I have never put a limit on how much of myself I give and, if I look back on my relationship history, one of the constants is me giving up too much of myself to compromise for their needs.

In my horrible failure of a marriage, I attempted to have a child to “save” the shell of a relationship I had left. I figured, I don’t want kids, but he does. Maybe if I give him a child, things will be ok. Thankfully, I realized how awful the marriage was and got out before any of my eggs got fertilized. And that is just one horrifying example of the seriously deluded decisions I have made in my life thinking they were just small sacrifices, when, in the long run, they were life altering decisions.

But now, I finally realize what I’ve been doing to myself all these years. It hasn’t been compromise, it has been self-neglect. All too often, I make huge sacrifices in the name of love. And it has got to stop.

So, from here on out, I am going to start practicing selfishness. Not in the “Hey that’s my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy, you can’t play with it” way, but in the “I deserve to have this my way, because doing it any other way is not being true to who I am” way.

Here’s a list of some of the things I am going to refuse to compromise on from here on out:

  • I will be kind to my body. I will not sacrifice time centering and strengthening myself for

    No compromise.

    anything other than a birth, death or natural disaster.

  • I will not eat my emotions. I am not going to keep things bottled up any more for the sake of being “strong.” All that results in is me eating a pint of ice cream. I’m going to tell people how I feel.
  • On the flip side, I will always enjoy food. I am not going to eat salads for the rest of my life simply because that makes me appear to be concerned with my figure. Frankly, I hate salads. But I promise I’ll get in all my servings of vegetables in a more enjoyable way.
  • I will be less patient and have more gumption. I will not wait around for change to manifest, and I will have the metaphorical balls not to stick around when changes aren’t made.
  • I will demand respect. I deserve to be respected and I won’t tolerate disrespect in private or public.
  • I will not sacrifice time with my friends. This one has happened every single time, and I don’t want it to happen again. I know that sometimes less time is spent hanging out with friends and what not, but I refuse to fall of the friend radar completely.
  • I will only drink whole or 2% milk. Skim milk sucks. I’m not going to drink it, even if your pansy ass does.

So there, if you don’t like what I said, go take a flying fuck. I won’t change these things about myself.

Ever again.


7 Responses to “Being Selfish: The Art of Being Uncompromising”

  1. Paul Roth Says:

    Two things I think most people never question about love:
    1) it’s the most important thing in the world
    2) it’s sacrifice.

    Now, I suspect the first one might be true for many people most of the time, but I don’t think it’s true for everyone, all the time. At least, not the relationship-type of love. Rather than just reciting to ourselve the mantra that it’s the most important thing (which may convince us to do stupid things in its name), we should consider each time whether that is more important than other things like travel, self-discovery, friendships, etc.

    The first is complete and utter bullshit. If “love” is weakening either party in any significant way — it’s not love. My definition of love is that its the process by which you connect to someone who makes your life better and who, in turn, makes you want to make their life better. You support their decisions that help them grow and they do the same for you. If you are sacrificing something important to you for them and they are just taking it — that’s symbiotic at best and more likely just parasitic.

    My point to all this jabber is that I think you’re absolutely right to be selfish. And if you can be selfish with someone else who is being selfish and it so works out that you’re both growing stronger and happier because of it? That’s love.

    • dulcedementia Says:

      Man, thanks for this. It’s great to see that males along with females struggle with this same BS. I’m not saying I blame your gender for all the problems, but sometimes I forget gentlemen have to deal with the same relationship crap the ladies do.

      • Paul Roth Says:

        I blame mainstream media and religious institutions for making us all think that we are bad if we take care of ourselves over sacrificing for a significant other. If you find an other who merits some significance, you only sacrifice together for your lives together, not one over the other.

        But, really, men are to blame for everything. Fucking men.

  2. Paul Roth Says:

    Sigh. I wish I’d reread that before posting. Obvs, the SECOND is bullshit.

  3. Kelly Noble Says:

    I love whole milk! Bravo my dear. I think if more people thought like this there would be a ton more happy couples and singles for that matter.

  4. Jessica Jarrard Says:

    Preach it Sista!

  5. I feel the same way! I tell people to be selfish all the time. Selfish just means that you are aware of your needs and don’t ignore them. Stop pretending like you don’t count and never, ever, ever treat someone better than you would treat yourself.

    I’m glad you’ve got a personal little manifesto. And here’s to you getting more selfish with yourself. It seems like you couldn’t possibly deserve it more.

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