Gum in My Hair

An embarrassingly honest blog

Juice Boxes and Cupcakes October 6, 2010

Filed under: Shut Your Mouth! — dulcedementia @ 12:47 pm
Tags: , ,

So there I was. Sitting at the picnic bench at the party. No one could sit still. Everyone was screaming, laughing and yelling. And I was just sitting there, feeling awkward.


I should mention that most of the party’s attendees were under four years old.


It was my niece’s one year birthday party this weekend and I had the honor of attending the bash. And, as with most childrens’ birthday parties, it was mostly children hopped up on apple juice and cupcakes and their parents and some grandparents.


Oh God. And they all want to play with YOU.

And me and my 13 year old step sister.


Don’t get me wrong, I still had a good time and everything, but I slowly came to realize that I was the only young adult at this little birthday party that did not have a little mini me of my own.


Not to worry, this story doesn’t end with my biological clock going haywire and me frantically wandering the streets of Denver like a breeder zombie looking for a man to be the seed donor for my desperation baby. I still don’t want a child and I believe I laid my reasons out very well in a past post.


The realization I came to was this: I’m going to be going to these parties with more frequency in the coming years. How do I not come off as the creepy friend of the parents that’s just there for the booze? Because, well, let’s be honest. If they aren’t my nieces or nephews, this chick needs a drink to cope with the noise, the bodily functions and the running. My God, the running!


So, again, I love my friends and, honestly, I’ll probably love their spawn. But friendships change and mature over time and the biggest change in a person’s life is when they add a child. The entire way someone lives their life changes.


And while I know I’ll be friends with some my prego friends and already mothers for a long time to come, I can’t help but wonder how my friendships will evolve. Also, by the time I’m 40 and most of my friends have responded to the ticking biological clock, what is my life going to look like?


Am I going to be attending bat mitzvahs and first communions on the weekends rather than going to a concert or bar hopping? Will my birthday gifts change from bottles of wine and boutique jewelry to teething rings and boutique baby clothes?


I guess these are just things I’ll figure out as time goes on, but this past weekend was the first big reality check for me that life is not static. Things evolve. Friendships evolve. And I wouldn’t have it any other way, but still, that little dose of reality going “OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE ADULTS NOW!’ can be kind of freaky sometimes.


And I swear, if any one of you friends decides to have a clowned themed birthday, I’m fucking out. That’s it. Friends don’t make friends go to clown parties.

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7 Responses to “Juice Boxes and Cupcakes”

  1. Marcelo Says:

    Just think of yourself as the crazy aunt for most of these fuctions.

  2. Charli Says:

    I don’t have kids. I’m not planning on having kids in the near future. However, I would like to host a Clown Themed Birthday Party just to freak everyone out. I think that would be super fun and creepy.

  3. enyabiznass Says:

    Well, I guess you’re not coming to my birthday party. Bummer, dude.

  4. dulcedementia Says:

    You ladies are both horrible for having clown-themed parties. Just horrible.

  5. ladysmith Says:

    as someone in the probably-having-kids camp, I would like to formally request that you in fact continue with the wine and boutique jewelry. Also, we will need someone to live vicariously through, so you better not book yourself so solid with mitzvahs and things that you can’t get to a concert so we can hear all about it!
    In the mean time, yeah it’s a *WEIRD* milestone to go from “OH NO whatareyougoingtodo?” to “CONGRATULATIONS I’msohappyforyou”

  6. Ha! I go to these things, encourage bad behavior in the kids, act like a kid myself, commiserate with the parents about how hard it is to raise kids and then leave early to do something completely selfish. It works for me.

  7. […] When you’ve decided to go the no kids route, there comes a point when you’re sitting at kids birthday party thinking “What the fuck am I doing here?” Gum in My Hair discusses it in Juice Boxes And Cupcakes. […]


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