This year is the first year I’ve decorated my apartment since my divorce. I don’t really think it’s any sort of milestone or anything of note other than to illustrate the fact that I haven’t decorated for Christmas in 3 years. It had nothing to do with not wanting to dredge up old memories of a Christmas with my ex. Most of it was due to sheer laziness actually.
Also, the last two years, I’ve lived in a fairly expansive apartment in the Murder Building Complex and decorating just seemed like such a daunting task. But not with a studio apartment! I took a couple hours over the course of the last few nights and put up some garlands and lights and then Sunday I got my tree. A really real tree. Which is the first time I’ve done that in a decade.
And I’ve decorated this year because, well, this year feels special to me for some reason. I’ve been filled with a warmth for several weeks now. A feeling of gratitude for friends and family and the light they bring into my life. Christmas is that time of year when we all start to think about giving (and about DVDs we’d like to get) and our hearts become more charitable than most other months.
But for me, Christmas this year is a reminder of all the open hearts and kind souls that have been giving towards me for the entire year. The last 365 days have been some of the most difficult and most rewarding days of my entire life and even though there are events and decisions I sometimes imagine changing, I know that I would never actually want to because they led me to this point right here.
The woman I am at this point is strong, compassionate, intelligent and a fucking cut up. I pretty much rock.
The decorations in my apartment are a reminder of the giving and compassion I have been shown throughout this year and every time I plug in my lights in the evening, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude.
Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate. I hope I have a chance to give back to you all in the year to come.